what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
