i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
