Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
