I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize