hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
