I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
