i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
