Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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