Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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