Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
