I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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