yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
