yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize