You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
