apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
