STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
