Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
