Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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