Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
