2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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