i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
