dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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