Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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