Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
