I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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