I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just pee around me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
