Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
