My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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