u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
