Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
