you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
