True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
