If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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