You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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