Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
