i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize