One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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