i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
