So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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