if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
