So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
