FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
