roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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