Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
