it hurts more in the daytime
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
