apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
