I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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