Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
