Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
