i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
