Christians are straight up FREAKS
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
