But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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