i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
