I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
