im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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