Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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