its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
