Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
