Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
