Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
