You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
