Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
