do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
