the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
