Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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