We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
