she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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