just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
