dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
