..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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