He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
