what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
from now on my penis is your penis
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
