Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I understand Curling. That high.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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