she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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