It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
