he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
