she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
